Work-Life Balance

When we think about working to provide for our kids, we often don’t allow anything to interrupt that commitment. As single moms, we may feel like we have to do it all, but it’s important to recognize that balance is possible. We must care for ourselves to be there for our children. Here are some effective ways to find that balance while being present for our kids.

Timing is everything! Once work ends, we need to allow it to truly end. Especially if we are in management positions, we often bring work home, which can lead to increased stress. Juggling work responsibilities, cooking for the kids, managing homework, and handling bills can be overwhelming. To combat this, I set a cut-off time for myself so that work doesn’t interfere with my household duties.

To be transparent, when I was a teacher, I didn’t have a cut-off time. If my parents needed me outside of work to ask homework questions, I made myself available, although this didn’t happen often. Most parents work a 9-to-5 schedule, and taking drive time into account can help you determine your cut-off time. For example, if you get home at 6 PM, you should let your colleagues know that you are unavailable after that time. This encourages employees and management to address issues in your absence. It’s crucial to set your boundaries and stick to them!

It’s Ok to Say No

When my husband passed away, I wanted to give my kids everything they asked for to avoid any breakdowns. I still struggle with this sometimes, but over the years, I have learned that it is okay to say no! We often try to be superwomen and fill the void of the absent parent by giving our kids whatever they want. This means working two jobs, allowing them to go places even when we are tired—the list goes on.

Our children sometimes do not understand that we need a break because we always show them our strong side. I had to tell my children that I get tired sometimes and need some time to myself. They seem to understand. One day, I just left the house, went to a movie by myself, and grabbed something to eat. My daughter kept texting me; I responded to ease her worries, but that time alone was great.

We need to schedule some time to just do “nothing” and relax outside of our responsibilities as parents.

Self Care

I never truly understood the importance of self-care. I would often hear my teacher friends, and even my sister say, “I need to take some time for myself.” For a long time, my kids always came before anything I had going on. I’m not sure if it was because of my husband passing away or not, but I prioritized their needs and wants over my own. While there’s nothing wrong with that, I realize now that as our kids grow older, they may forget about us. This has left me playing catch-up in my own life, which is where I find myself now, laughing at the situation.

It’s essential to take time for ourselves. Schedule that “me time” now! It could be something as simple as taking a long, hot bath, cuddling in bed with a book, going out with friends, treating yourself to a meal, or even falling in love again. It’s important to plan these moments because if we don’t, we will keep putting them off. So, take a look at your calendar and set aside a day dedicated to self-care.

Personally, I enjoy taking extra time for my skincare routine each morning. This time allows me to connect with God and reflect on my blessings.

Live your Life

Finding a balance between work, kids, bills, and household duties can make it challenging to live your best life. Developing an effective schedule that allows you to manage everything will create a strong sense of balance. It’s not difficult, but it does require some strategic planning to ensure it happens. As single moms, we work hard and desire to live our best lives. Even if you schedule a night out with friends once a month or treat yourself to a little time away from the kids, it’s important to do so. We need to maintain a balanced lifestyle to be present for our children. Don’t feel guilty if you decide to hire a babysitter; your kids might actually enjoy a break from you, too! Go have fun and do something for yourself.

Monthly Budget

Budgeting for Single Moms: A Practical Guide

As single moms, having a monthly budget for each area of spending is essential. Instead of setting the budget aside or spending as we go, it’s important to create a specific budget for each category. When my husband and I were married, I maintained a budget for groceries, cleaning supplies, gas, takeout, hair and nails, kids’ activities, and other monthly expenses.

If you’re unsure about your monthly spending, review your bank statements from the past few months to identify your spending trends. For example, if you spend $120 on gas weekly, that totals $480 monthly, so do the same for each category. You might also discover areas where you can cut back; for instance, if you realize you spend $30 a week at Starbucks, you can decide to reduce that expense.

I prefer to use a cute notebook with pockets to organize my cash and label each category. Using cash is much more effective than relying on debit or credit cards when you’re on a budget.

Leave Your Debit and Credit Cards at Home

Once you’ve created a budget for each category, withdraw cash from the bank weekly or bi-weekly based on your pay period. I read on a finance blog that when shopping, you should leave your cards in the car, but I recommend taking it a step further: leave your cards at home. If you’re anything like me, it’s too easy to go to the car for your card, which undermines your efforts to stick to your budget.

Additionally, I prefer not to visit multiple stores to find the best deals. By shopping at a strip mall, I can minimize the need for extra trips, saving time and gas. To be strategic with our savings, consider splitting your shopping days: for example, grocery shopping on Saturdays and household product shopping on Sundays. This approach can help you avoid the temptation of impulse buying. Always go in with a list and the cash you’ve budgeted for each category.

List in Hand

Make sure to have your grocery list ready, either on paper or in the notes app on your phone, to stay within your budget. I always do an inventory check before creating my list. Having a master list of groceries and cleaning products has been very effective for me because it helps me capture everything we use and stay on budget. I categorize my list into sections such as meats, dairy, vegetables, oils, seasonings, snacks, etc. This attention to detail helps me avoid picking up items I think I need or buying things I already have. How many times have we come home only to realize we’ve bought a gallon of milk we didn’t need? Too many times! It’s worth taking the extra time to check your inventory before heading to the store. You might even discover that you don’t need to buy pepper, which can save you money that week.

For example, if you budgeted $50 for cleaning products but found items on sale and saved $7, I like to leave that extra money in my pocket until the end of the month. Sometimes, I might splurge on a Bath and Body Works candle or wallflowers, or I can reduce the amount I withdraw for the next month.

It also helps to have your cabinets and refrigerator organized for better visibility. My husband used to put all the same canned goods in one row and seasonings in the same area. I know that once we get busy, it’s easy to place items wherever they fit, but that often pushes other items to the back of the cabinet, making them overlooked. I need to remind myself of this as well since we all get busy and can be tempted to toss things into the fridge and cabinets without organization. I invested in some organizers for my cabinets and fridge to make it easier to see what is low or what I am out of.

Adjust your Budget

If you find that you’re consistently exceeding your weekly budget, it may be time to reassess it. When we first created our shopping list, the prices for certain items might have been lower due to sales or seasonal availability. It’s perfectly acceptable to increase your budget if you’ve noticed your bills have risen by $10-20 over the past two months. Alternatively, you might need to decrease your budget if you’ve managed to clip coupons or use discount apps that help you save.

You may also realize that some items, like Windex, only need to be purchased once a month instead of weekly. To manage these expenses effectively, I suggest dividing the cost of those items by four to determine what you should set aside each week. For example, if Windex costs $4 (I round up all prices to simplify calculations and account for inflation), you would need to budget $1 each week for it.

As single moms, maintaining a strong and healthy budget is essential! Stay focused on your monthly spending, create detailed lists, and readjust your budget as needed!

It’s Christmas Time

During this time of year, busy single moms often feel overwhelmed. Let’s take a deep breath and remember that we have a village ready to support us. Even when my husband was alive, we needed help. Our parents were a significant source of support. My in-laws would take the kids to school when they were younger, and my parents contributed in various ways. For instance, my mom would buy school clothes, cook meals, and more.

So, moms, let’s take some time to reflect on who can best support us during this journey. It’s okay to ask for help. Even when we think others should know we need assistance, we have to reach out and let our loved ones know when we could use some support. Don’t let pride keep you stressed and overwhelmed while trying to do it all on your own. It truly takes a village. Now that it’s me, I still utilize my village. My mom takes my daughter to school, and my in-laws help with pick up after practice. Some ways your village can assist with the kids. Help with pick up and/or drop off, cooking, buying clothes, and date night.

Pick up Time

If your parents or the father’s parents are retired, they can help with pick-up or drop-off. We don’t want to take any time away from the grandparents, especially if they are retired, but these are their grandbabies, and they would love to help out. It’s important to do whatever works best for your family dynamics. For example, if one set of grandparents should pick the kids up in the morning and drop them off, make sure you have everything prepared.

When my mother-in-law picked up our kids, my husband would fix their breakfast, and I would prepare the lunch boxes. Their clothes would already be laid out because my husband ironed them on Sundays. You might find you need more support with pick-ups after school to allow time to run errands. My father-in-law would take the kids to their house, and I would pick them up after work. This arrangement allowed the grandparents to bond more with the kids. My in-laws cherished this time with the children; they said they wouldn’t change a thing. Although this wasn’t initially their plan, when we asked them for help, they immediately agreed.

Now that it’s just the kids and me, and they are older, I still rely on both my parents and in-laws, and they love it. My mom enjoys taking my daughter to school every morning, even though she doesn’t have to. My in-laws love picking up the kids after practice or taking them to their games, especially when events overlap. My brother and sister also help out when needed. I couldn’t imagine managing everything on my own. My brothers-in-law step in during my son’s football games and participate in father-son dinners and prayers. Their support significantly reduces my stress.

How Can We Help?

You may not realize what kind of help you truly need, but even something as simple as your parents cooking dinner can be a big advantage. Get a to-go container; we love leftovers! Although I do meal prep, if my parents or in-laws say they are cooking, I adjust my meal prep around those days. Since my in-laws are retired, they let me know when they will be cooking, and I plan my meals accordingly.

When my kids were younger, my husband and I had it made. My mom would cook on Sundays, so we had food for both Sunday and Monday. My in-laws would cook on Tuesdays (the night of Bible Study for my husband and me), which covered another two days. We usually only cooked dinner on Thursdays because we would eat out on Fridays and Saturdays. I miss those days!

Getting loved ones to help will look different for everyone, so I recommend sitting down to review your weekly schedule to identify where you would benefit the most from assistance. Any help, no matter how small, will be appreciated. If your parents can only help by buying clothes because they still work or can’t assist in other ways, that can still be a financial blessing.

Just Ask

Moms, don’t be afraid to ask for help. This not only benefits you but also your kids. When you are stress-free, your children do better. Kids can sense when we are stressed, and it affects them. Raising a family on your own is not easy. There are loved ones who want to support us, and whatever they can do to assist will be invaluable. We often hesitate to ask for help because we think we should manage everything ourselves, but our kids also have extended family who can be a part of this journey through life.

I am incredibly grateful for my village. My husband and I had support when he was alive, and now that he has passed away, I need help more than ever!